TASK #20

May 13th--May 20th

Queen for a Day

You can choose your friends, but you only have one mother.  Max Shulman

It's Mother's Day. The one true statement that can be made about any human being is that HE, SHE, IT, THEY, YOU have a mother. According to common knowledge and reinforced by Mother's Day cards, MOTHER is good natured, MOTHER is selfless, MOTHER is nurturing, MOTHER is kind--the bulwark of the family--sensible, sweet, protective, patient and loving.

But mothers are also human beings. At least mine was. She was strong when strength was called for and caring when kindness was needed. But she was also imperious, testy and judgemental.

In modern venacular, she was old school. She grew up in a rural area. He mother didn't speak english. If she had chicken for dinner the chicken came from the backyard, not a grocery store. My mother could sew and she knew how to can fruit.

She had rules and they were inviolate. My dad was terrified of her. We all were. She had a withering stare and she didn't mind whapping us with a wooden ruler.

Yet she was feminine. She was fussy about her clothes--she liked loud colors, like purple--and her hair was never out of place. She had a weekly hair appointment that she never missed, not even for a funeral. Of her sister.

I loved her. Three reasons:

1) She was as tough as nails. She got hit by a car when she was in her early 60s. She flew about 20 feet in the air and broke nearly ever bone in her body. She never complained about the pain or the years of physical therapy nor the bad luck that put her in front of that car.

2) My mother believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I didn't want to go to college. She wanted me to go to college. We fought for a solid year. She enrolled my in a college, drove me up to the college and dragged me into a dorm room. I screamed and moaned and cursed at her, but I stayed...and it turned out that college was the good thing.

3) My mother was tolerant. I came home stinking drunk one night when I was visiting from college and a passed out on the floor in front of her--after barfing on her nightgown.

I hated her. Three reasons:

1) She was never wrong.

2) She used to brag to anyone who would listen that she only gained 11 pounds while she was pregnant with me. I don't know why exactly, but that really bothered me.

3) She was vindictive. Piss her off and you were cut off. And she wasn't difficult to piss off.

TASK:

Buy a Mother's Day card or make your own. Then, inside write down the three things you loved about your mother and the three things you hated. Be brutally honest. Then put the card in your notebook.

If you have any questions or comments, e-mail me at joedoebula@gmail.com