Fifty Two Tasks

FIFTY TWO TASKS

You want to be a better man? Start by getting honest with yourself.   JD

My name is Joe Doe. It's not really my name, but my real name doesn't matter. I'm an ordinary man: not too tall, too short, too smart, or too stupid. I've been flush with cash and I've been stone cold broke. I've slept in 5 star hotels and I've slept in my car. If you passed me on the street you probably wouldn't notice me at all. I have lived, as most American men do, in a cluster of anonymity.

Like most men, I get up, strap it on and slog through the work day; then I go home, eat something, drink my gin, climb into bed and do it all over again the next day.

A few years ago I looked in a mirror and I saw a beat-down man who know longer laughed, no longer cried; a man who'd lost his passion for life. All the cool, quirky parts of me were gone, worn away by stress and strife.

                           

I needed to re-invent myself. Or, to be more honest, I needed to find myself. 

                         

So I looked in the mirror again. This time I tried to be absolutely honest about what I saw.    

                           

That became Task #1. Over the next few years I created other tasks. I divided them up into 3 types: one, tasks that would help me clean up the emotional clutter I had piled up over the years; two, tasks to help me re-discover the fun of being a part of the male gender; and last, tasks to help me become a man for others. 

                                         

This blog lists 52 of those tasks. One to be accomplished every week for a year.  

Give them a shot. Good luck.  

                

Notes: 

Start with the task that corresponds with today's 

date. You'll find it by pressing 2014 on the upper right hand side and work your way back.  

If you like, send me your stories. I want to hear them

ALL. 

Questions? Comments? Sure you do.

                 

Send them to:

JoeDoeBula@gmail.com

HAVE FUN. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR 

JOURNEY.  Joe. 

Housekeeping

TASK #1

January 1st--January 8th

Housekeeping

A good man is always a beginner. Martial (c. 40--c.104)

Please read:

1. This is a blog for men. All men. Fat men, short men, normal men, old men, young men, black, white and any other color man. It's for Christians, Jews, Muslims and Atheists, just as long as you check the box marked M. It's for bed wetters, ugly men and handsome men and the millions that fall somewhere in the middle.  It's for cops and robbers, sinners and saints, beggars and millionaires. Hairy men and bald men. It's for men.

2. There is but one rule. You have to tell yourself the truth.

3. I suggest you start a diary or journal to record the tasks that you complete. You don't have to share it with anyone else. As a matter of fact, I recommend that you never show anyone what you write, or paint, or draw in conjection with this process. If you decide to hide your diary or journal, don't forget where you put it because you should read it as often as possible. And don't be afraid to return to a task and re-do it as often as your life changes, or you change. And someday you may want to share it with your son, or your wife, but only if you really want to.

4. Should you like to share your experience, send me an e-mail. Joedoebula@gmail.com. I, in turn, will share the best e-mails with other men.

5. Don't ask me questions. Ask yourself questions.

6. Don't skip a task.

TASK:

Buy a notebook, a journal, or steno pad. Open your mind. 

Good Luck. Joe.

TASK #2

January 8th--14th

It's Your Body, Dude

What an ugly beast is the ape, and how like us. Cicero (106--43B.C)

To see yourself as you are, you must see yourself as you really are.

There's nothing worse than looking at yourself naked in a mirror. Nothing. I'd like to think that's true for all men, but I have seen guys who clearly aren't ashamed of their birthday suits, the guys who walk around naked in the gym locker room. Because if you dare to strut around naked in a men's locker room, you are a confident man. Personally, in those situations, I wear a towel. Or towels.

Remember, we only get one body. And we're stuck with it. There are adjustments that can be made, of course. Modern plastic surgery can turn a flabby-assed beer swinging couch pilot into Brad Pitt with two hours of out-patient surgery. Well, maybe not Brad Pitt, but you get the picture. Most men, however, don't go the surgery route; it requires, after all, a trip to the doctor's office--and what man likes to go to a doctor's office?

Task:

The task this week is to look at yourself--really look at yourself--and catalogue what's good, and what's not so good. Find a mirror. A floor-to-ceiling mirror if possible. Strip off your clothes. Inspect yourself. Carefully. List the good, the bad and the ugly. Spare no criticism.

As an example, I will share a portion of my list:

GOOD
Tall. Over six feet. Posture of a marine. Chin sticks out in a strong, but not arrogant manner. Decent nose, lips. Solid shoulders.

BAD
Paunchy stomach. Hair on shoulders. Smallish dick. Protruding knees.

UGLY
Pock-marked ass. Love handles.

Make your own list. Laugh or cry accordingly.

You can reach me at joedoebula@gmail.com

TASK #3

January 14th--January 21st

Lighten Your Load

A clear conscience is often the sign of a bad memory. Unknown

Men stash away stuff like chipmunks, because We HATE TO THROW ANYTHING AWAY. 
And when your buddy says, "I don't save shit", he does--it's just in his head. Which is worse. 

I am such a man. I'm not a hoarder. A hoarder is someone who saves weird crap, and saves it compulsively. Like the guy with a houseful of newspapers, or jars of grease, or the guy who puts strands of thread in envelopes, and files them by color. That's not me. I save things that came into my life and I couldn't bear to pitch. Stuff like report cards, concert tickets, coins, trading cards, a label from a "Lady Of The Lake" butter container that can be folded in a certain way to make it look like the Lady had big boobs, my mom's high school year book, and a linen napkin that I stole from a Paris cafe. 

And then there's the negative things. The bad report card, the summons I got after I was arrested for shoplifting, a break-up letter from my college girlfriend, an angry note from my mother (because I got arrested for shoplifting).

Why am I dragging this stuff along? I hardly look at it all. In some cases I can't remember WHY I saved a certain item.

So I cleaned house. And you know what? I didn't miss what I pitched.

TASK:

Lighten your load. Go into your basement, your attic, your garage, pull out those boxes and old suitcases and laundry bags and pour out your past in front of you. Select five items that MEAN SOMETHING to you, good or bad. And throw the rest of it away. Keep the photos. For now. 

PS. This is a photo of some of the stuff I carried with me. It says a lot about me...

Comments? You can e-mail me at joedoebula@gmail.com

TASK #4

January 21st--January 28th

Keep It Simple

There is never enough time, unless you're servng it. Malcolm Forbes

To know who you are you have to know what you do. Or more specifically, you have to know how you spend your time. In one week there are 10,080 minutes. Let me repeat--10,080 minutes.

As you know, once time passes, it's gone. It ain't coming back. So how are you spending your 10,080 minutes? Sleeping? Working? Exercising, eating, fooling around, having sex, driving?

I spent nearly a 1000 minutes driving, 1680 minutes watching tv. And no minutes having sex.

It made me think about my priorities.

TASK:

Your task is to introduce yourself to your life. Every minute of it. List every activity that you do in a week, and how much time you spend on each activity, first by hours, then by minutes. 

Then, in your notebook, put three columns: WELL SPENT, NOT WASTED, AND WASTED. Then list your activities, and the time spend on them, in the appropriate column.
(NOTE: 56 hours of sleep, or 3360 minutes, goes under NOT WASTED. Any more than that goes under WASTED.)

Pay attention: This is the brick and mortar of your life.

TASK #5

January 28th--February 4th

Ten Truths

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Try saying "ten truths" ten times. Difficult. Writing ten truths about yourself? More difficult. We do something stupid then justify it with lies. Why? Because we can't face the truth about ourselves.

We see what we want to see. We tell ourselves what we want to hear. 

It is be impossible to become what you want to become if you can't face who you are. 

So that's what has to be done. It isn't easy. In my case, I started with the low-hanging fruit: I bullshit, which is a bullshit way to say I lie. Not all the time, but when it's expedient; and I pontificate. I act like I know more than I do, and I am loud about it.

Those were the easy truths, meaning that they were easy for me to face because they are really superficial--let's face it: almost every man lies when it's expedient and bullshits with impunity. 

So I had to dig a bit. 

It took me a while, and though I was alone with pen and paper, I still wriggled and squirmed and felt guilty and ashamed. And when I was done, I felt good.

I will share one with you. Number 6 on my list: I am a grown man with a wife and children, and each day of my life I rise out of bed with one mission--that I will do whatever I have to do that day to make sure that they have a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs and maybe most importantly, that they have my unwavering support and love.

But here's the truth: sometimes I can give a rat's ass about my wife and kids. Sometimes I just want to run away and be alone and not worry about anyone other than myself, and to hell with the mortgage, the IRS and the college savings plan...

That's how I feel sometimes.   



TASK:

Part One: List ten truths about yourself. Don't spare yourself.
Part Two: Read them to your best friend. (Note: this is optional. But do write them down.) 


TASK:

Part One: List ten truths about yourself. Be brutally honest.
Part Two: Read them to your best friend.  (This is optional.)




Questions? Comments? Arguments? E-mail me at joedoebula@gmail.com

TASK #6 

February 4th--February 11th

Flowery Language

Gifts are like hooks.    Martial

There is someone in your world that deserves to be thanked. Let me repeat: There is someone in your life that deserves a "thank you". You know it. I know it. 

And it's not the obvious people. It's not your girlfriend just because she fucks you, and it's not your wife because she puts up with you, and it's not your kids or your parents because they are stuck with you...and BTW, the aforementioned people have days set aside expressly so that they are recognized and appreciated, like Valentine's Day and anniversaries and Mother's Day and Father's day...

No, this is for someone else.

Who?

Well, if some guy saved your life you should have sent him a gift without prodding.  The "Who" I'm talking is the ordinary guy who did a semi-extraordinary favor for you.. L

Like the dude in the next cubicle who covered for you when came into work so hung over that your hair hurt. Or the guy who spotted you rent money after you blew it in Vegas. Or the guy at the record store who cut you some slack and gave you a deal on the John Lee Hooker album you just had to have, or the friend who drove a hundred miles round trip to pick you up when you fell asleep on the train and missed your stop and you woke up to find yourself stranded and the trains had stopped running...

Or the guy who came to your rescue during a bar fight that you initiated.

Or the guy who drove you in the middle of the night to get  your car out of the impound lot.

Or the guy who bailed you out of jail when you got shit-faced and ran through the mall...

TASK:

You decide who this person is, then you send him a gift. ANONYMOUSLY. That means no name, and it also means that you can never, ever tell him who sent it. I recommend flowers because guys who get flowers anonymously will think they're from some woman with a secret crush and that's cool...or send a Swiss Army Knife. 

If you have any comments, e-mail me at joedoebula@gmail.com